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Drinking whisky in a tree

An old classmate, Mikko, was visiting me for the weekend. It must be nearly 30 years since our years at elementary school.

My place feels like a tiny real life version of Moominhouse. Moomin stories were written and illustrated by Swedish-Finn Tove Jansson. Altough the stories are for children, they are enjoyable by adult audience as well. The Moomins have their house in a peacefull valley by seaside - a haven for all kinds of wandering creatures; some come there to rest and recover from hardships in their personal life, some come there just to enjoy good company, and some are just adventurers stopping by. And the moominfamily themselves, they are goodhearted, yet somewhat adventurous folk. The dad, Moominpappa, likes to sit in a tree, reading a good book and enjoying some whisky.

Well, yesterday I took two books and a bottle of Scotch Whisky, and climbed the oak in my yard. First I read poetry written by a friend of Mikko, then a Corto Maltese album. Slowly sipping a little of whisky I also had unhurried time to reflect on my life. In the winter I was drinking coffee in this very same tree, and wrote about depression and recovery. Today I felt that most of the depression is already past and gone, but what is left is an obscure, somewhat empty feeling. I remember this same kind of feeling from my childhood, and in a way most of my life I have been fighting with this.

As a kid I felt that I get punished and bullied just for being myself. So I learned not to show my inner feelings or true thougths in the presence of family members. I was just trying to wait for moments of solitude, when I could be alone and free to be myself. But I slowly felt my energies being drained; for example, when I was something like 17 years old, I spent three days alone, camping and hiking in the woods. For the first two days I felt my ears humming, my mind being numb and dull, I felt alien to myself. But luckily enough that was not all of it - slowly I felt like remembering who I really am, and daring to open my soul, to experience my life in my own way. Nowadays this alien and empty feeling easily comes back, especially if I'm tired for working too much.

Now all this is connected to The Moominfamily, Corto and poetry written by a remote friend. Not to be afraid of being oneself. Being strong and free, romantically goodhearted and loyal to friends. Enjoying art, myths and dreams. No problem, that is what I'd like to find. The journey goes inwards - as that is where lie the obstacles which are hindering me from being more stronly my true self. While I was writing this there was a fire burning under my outdoor bathtub. I guess by now the fire is gone out and water is comfortably hot. I'll go have a midnight bath, listening to the wind humming - as that is good medicine for sure.

picure by Mikko Sovijärvi
picture by Mikko Sovijärvi
An oak, Corto Maltese, and Scotch Whisky
An oak, Corto Maltese, and Scotch Whisky
tags: 
depression
diary
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Comments

I need to bring some good Whisky to drink in your trees ;)

Aye! This was "Highland Reserve", blended Scotch whisky. A cheap and easy pick from a local off-licence.

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