I had/have from time to time something similar. In my case it feels like a claw is grabbing my heart and squeezing it, and it is very phisical and hurts. In my case I think it is some kind of anxiety mixed with buried feelings of sadness that I never dealt. There were a time I tought it could be cancer also or some kind of heart disease :) I hate doctores, don't like to feel in need of others and sharing personal stuff with them, and I use to make excuses like that if I die, it is becasue it needs to be and it is inevitable no point running away from it, etc. (but already made the main exams and doctors say there is nothing phisically wrong with me) So I understand very well what you shared in your text. And well, the truth is that you matter, a ton of people would miss you, and you make a difference in other peoples lifes (^^,) Just reading posts like this makes one feel more "normal", like "ah aha, afterall this feelings and experiences are something very human, very natural, others fight and live this kind of stuff too", and it is like reading a friend saying hi and positive stuff that no one shares. We need you healthy so you can continue to write tons of posts and pictures, the world would never be the same without the Erkka in it, the world would be less. So take good care of yourself and recharge yourself! All the best! ^^,