It's not about what's in others lives. That's their thing to deal with, we all have our own to deal with. It comes down to; what makes me glad to be alive? And whatever is on that list, try to make it a part of your life. Of course, there is the physical, our bodies. Our mind separate from our bodies? Ha! Funny thought that one. No, sorry. Our brain is as much a part of our body as is a leg. If our body is unhealthy in some way, then it affects our brain which yes of course changes our moods, feelings, ability to learn and make memories etc etc etc. Erkka I tend to clench my stomach muscles when stressed out and filled with anxiety. I don't even notice it most of the time. Just get this bad feeling just under my ribs where the stomach muscles connect on the left side. I have to consciously relax the muscles and at the worst times they are clenching again right away, against my will. The muscles get tired after days of it. There can be some interesting feelings (not a good thing ha). I've worried it was cancer (my Dad is fighting multiple varieties), heart issue (my Opa had like a triple bypass done and lived for 10 years or so) and even got my wife to call 911 (Canada..) because I was nearly passing out and felt like I was having a heart attack, fucking heart pounding in my chest, breathing heavy. Ambulance trip and a bunch of tests... It was an anxiety attack. Happened around christmas time. Two kids, wife, crazy busy at work and was losing weight, fucking mother in law was in our small apartment for 2 months or so... anyway. These thoughts about life in general, the feelings after pondering the state of corrupt government and the meaninglessness of so much of our lives. It's the corrupt state which is meaningless, not us. We are what is important. Without us they have nothing. We have the real power, I'm sure you see it. I wonder Erkka, if booze is connected in some way to your physical sensations and mental state? I find green stuff to be a better option as long is it has it's time and place. Not 24/7, first thing in the morning etc etc. We must be present in order to do something positive. Anyway, once I found out what was going on... it nearly went away. The clenching comes back if I lack sleep, don't eat good or deal with stress for too long. I know it's my bodies reaction to what's going on externally, also diet and sleep. Should have mentioned that already.. sleep. We need it. Can't avoid that.. damn shame but hell what can we do? Seems to me my friend, is that you should give your mind the best chance at functioning properly and go from there. Not sure how much gardening you do, I know you grow some veggies, anyway check out permaculture. A way forward is possible if we choose to eat differently. Tis what I've found. And hey, I've been there, done that with the rabbit hole thought streams which result in "why not just die and be done with it? what's the point of being here?". Well it's to live this life as best we can, being healthy and taking care to be happy. After all, we are fucking lucky to be the ones that were born and are alive to witness this world. Could have been billions of others, but it is us here. Food for thought. Positive thought. cya bud