I'm not an expert but I remember you handling some very stressful and frustrating situations in the 1990s like a perfectly sane person. Anger and sadness are not diseases. Everyone I know still likes you but they say you've become moody and unpredictable.

From all I've read (which I admit isn't enough for a diagnosis, especially for someone as totally incompetent as I am) you don't appear as someone who has childhood traumas. On the other hand your symptoms sound exactly like someone who has had an abusive relationship with a woman with a personality disorder. Probably borderline or histrionic (google them if you like.)

A friend of mine studying to become a psychotherapist told 90% of men having a relationship with a borderline woman develop depressive symptoms. The long descend (often taking years because of growing mutual dependence) of a relationship causes self-hate, inability to trust others etc.

I really don't know if this is the case but has something like this happened during the late nineties or early noughties? And if it is, the fact that you never mention it while you write at length about your past and feelings would fit this perfectly.