Two and a half month ago I wrote in a blog post: "Now, I think that for the coming months I need to somewhat adjust that balance, as I've started to feel my brain running low on long-term stamina, so obviously I need to more regularly allow the brain more time to refresh and to reset." And how has it been?

At mid-January I published an Ancient Savo update and it pretty much looked like all the major bugs had been fixed. Naturally, there are still plenty of things waiting on the roadmap, but I allowed myself a period of rest. I had long unhurried sauna baths and went skiing on the lake ice. I took care of some other minor projects which had been postponed because of Ancient Savo taking all of my coding time. One of those projects was reviving the Raspberry Pi -powered live camera I once did for a friends' chicken coop. The old camera had went dysfunctional, so I bought new parts and started to assemble the project. Once again I found it very interesting - both the hardware and software had seen some upgrades since the previous project, so there were new things to test and to learn. Also, delivering the new camera meant visiting the friends, eating together, having sauna and staying for the night.

It took me some time to realize how much long-term exhausting I had been accumulating. So it really felt necessary to let Ancient Savo wait for a bit and to do other things until my brain would feel refreshed enough. So, more unhurried sauna baths, seeing friends and being outdoors. After six weeks it started to feel that the balance is restoring. So now I've been emerging from the period of rest. And it feels good - I feel inspired about the ideas I want to implement in the game, and I look forward to future developments. Also, after the break I feel that things have changed - I don't need to return to the same kind of mindset there was before. The Steam release has been a major turning point - as before that I lived in constant uncertainty - only knowing that my income is not quite enough to cover the monthly costs, and not knowing if the game sales will be enough to remedy the situation. But now I know; the sales still seem to be just about that necessary extra to keep my budget in a minimal balance - being able to pay the bills, but not accumulating any extra. If I keep my current level of other odd jobs I've been doing to sustain myself. That is manageable, and gives me a new kind of sense of peace. No more coping with the vague sense of a looming personal economic catastrophe. Or, well - of course life is always fundamentally uncertain, but what I mean is that I have a more solid sense of "being on a right path", a feeling that what I do is able to keep me afloat. And then if the life throws whatever surprises at my direction it will be easier to face them with resilience.

Somehow these thoughts also sent me reflecting on other slow long term processes of my life. I don't remember if I have commented on this in any of my earlier blog posts; there is this old zen poem, saying something like "well, if you escape the society and settle in a small hermit cabin in the solitude of the mountains, and then start feeling unhappy there, where do you escape then?" And, indeed - I know some people who have spent prolonged times in solitude, and I think most of them have said that after the initial relief they faced a period of difficulty. A bit simplified, it could be said that the difficulty comes from having to face oneself. When in solitude there is no-one else to blame for your low mood. When there isn't that much external input from the words, actions and intentions of other people you need to spend more time observing your own patterns of thought and emotion. And it isn't always easy - personally I've also felt that it is a great opportunity to learn, and to rearrange some of those patterns. I think this is what I've been doing for the past 16 years. And there's still work to be done =)

Well, but I want to conclude this blog post with a music link. The friend with the camera in the chicken-coop, he is a touring musician. Jaakko Laitinen & Väärä Raha is one of the groups he plays in. A few days ago they won a national music award with their fresh album Äyskäri. Congratulations!